Enjoying a career year, Linus Ullmark says he was close to quitting hockey and moving back home

During the 2014-15 season in Sweden's HockeyAllsvenskan, Ullmark should have been on top of the world. He had been named the best goaltender in Sweden the year before, and knew he was headed to the NHL the next year. But his play was slipping, and it had little to do with what was happening on the ice.

"I came off a great year, goalie of the year, a lot of expectations," said Ullmark "Everything went [south]. That was when my roughest point was."

Ullmark had discovered that his father, who had supported his and his brother's hockey ambitions for years, had become an alcoholic.

"I said, 'I don't know what to do,'" Ullmark recalled. "I have no idea what to do. I was thinking about quitting. I was very close to quitting and just moving home. But I got in touch with a psychiatrist that really helped me work through it, work through all of my feelings."

Ullmark said he has no memory of his father having issues with alcohol when he was a child. It all seemed to start with his older brother moved away. He said the grief was simply too much to bear.

"Especially when you're away and you feel responsible," Ullmark said. "But at the same time, like what they said, he is my dad. I'm not his dad. He is supposed to take care of me. I'm not supposed to take care of him. So I have my own [stuff]. They have their [stuff]. I can't be worrying about their [stuff] when I have my stuff to worry about. But that was a process."

Ullmark's father has since passed away. He now has two children of his own. Ullmark said he'd like to think his father was in recovery on the day he died, but he honestly doesn't know.

"It's kind of a blur, in the sort of way that your brain is protecting you from bad memories," Ullmark said. "I know these things, the times when we went there and I found things and I confronted him. But I can't tell you what year it was, I can't tell you what month it was. And I can't tell you when it started. That's something that only he knew."

"And I can't tell you for sure when he stopped. Did he stop? I don't know. I wasn't home very much. I have two kids. Those sort of things you can only speculate in. In my mind, I try to protect myself, saying that he was recovering all the way until he passed. That's what I live with. That's my truth. But he was never hostile or anything towards me or any of us, what I know."

Ullmark's father passed in January of 2021. He said it was a difficult time, but at the same time, he found a measure of relief.

"Daily life was a little bit easier," he said. "Because I didn't have to subconsciously worry all the time. And then I knew that my mom was in a good place as well. She didn't have to worry about all the other things as well and she could focus on herself. It [stinks] to lose your life partner -- it's the worst thing that can happen, except for your kids -- but at the end of the day, that's life."

Ullmark added the Bruins were completely supportive of him and what he was dealing with, and he believes that, combined with therapy, have been major factors in the season he's having.

Source: NHL.com